So I’ve been wanting to cut my hair for a long time but I have a long and complicated history with my hair. As a kid I always had really super long hair because that’s the way my parents liked it and I liked it that way as well. Like past my butt long, blonde, beautiful hair.
When I was 12 I lost all my hair to cancer but I held on so tightly to it. There was a point where I definitely should have shaved my head but refused, so I ended up looking like Gollum with pitiful strings of hair sprouting from my sickly little head. I never let anyone take photos of me when I was sick so here’s a terrible photo where you can kinda sorta see my hair(or lack thereof).
You can obviously tell how attached I was to my hair and how badly I was in denial that I was losing it. When it grew back in, I was CRAZY self conscious and I had a right to be. I was a middle school girl who had chubby steroid cheeks, a hospital mask, no boobs(still don’t though), and hair shorter than a boy. Needless to say, middle school was rough.
Okay, okay, back to hair. When I grew my hair back, it wasn’t really on my own terms and I hated having short hair so much because it only reminded me that I lost all my beautiful long hair. After cancer, I had one goal: get my hair back to where it was before. I grew it for years, post cancer and finally got to my long hair goal!…I didn’t feel accomplished at all, I wasn’t magically restored to the person I was before I lost it. I realized that I wasn’t defined by my long hair. I’ve had a fun time discovering who I am in the past couple of years and that person is weird, quirky, different, pessimistic, dark, sarcastic, secretly caring, and overall nothing like I was before. I’ve been struggling to figure out ways to express myself through photography, weird thrift store fashion, and funky colored hair.
So I really wanted a French bob for a long time and asked my mom to cut it(she cuts hair) but she would NOT cut it as short as I wanted it. It was actually pretty funny because she kept cutting just a little bit at a time because I’m pretty sure she was attached to my long hair at that point, haha. Point of the story is that hair does not define you and do with it what you will. Express yourselves my friends, it’s worth it and I love my new haircut!